Thursday, January 15, 2015

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles / Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze Drinking Game

Take a drink every time...

  1. You hear the sound of a weapon whipping through the air. Take a second drink if this sound is made by something that is not a weapon (like fingers, a soap dispenser, a can of radioactive ooze, etc).
  2. Pizza is mentioned or shown.
  3. Raphael is moody.
  4. Something that is stereotypically Japanese (e.g. flutey-gong-y-music, meditation, wise old master, someone saying 'master' or 'ninja', etc.) is seen or heard. 
  5. Tatsu doesn't speak when it would be normal to speak (or makes a weird Kung Pow grunting sound in lieu of speaking).
Take a bonus drink every time Splinter has spoken for ten seconds without stopping or being interrupted. Waterfall until he finishes.

TMNT I: Finish your drink for Raphael's tortured scream of anguish.
TMNT II: Finish your drink for "Babies! They're BABIES!!!"

Sunday, January 4, 2015

The Hunchback of Notre Dame Drinking Game

Take a drink every time...
  1. There is a new song.
  2. Someone says "gypsy" (or "gypsies").
  3. Someone mentions how Quasimodo is deformed. 
  4. There is an exterior shot of Notre Dame.
  5. There is something feminine about Frollo (For example, he has lady fingers, lady rings, lady hand gestures...a lady nose...and lady hair...is wearing a muumuu...sounds like Cher...IS he a lady?)
Take a bonus drink every time you see Quasimodo's face and find yourself thinking, "Ughh, do I have to look at that the whole movie?!"

Take a bonus drink every time you think about how Esmeralda is the female Aladdin (and if you aren't thinking that, start, because she's totally the female Aladdin, you guys)*.

Finish your drink for "It's his face!"


*Examples include:

  • Wearing a disguise to fool guards
  • Parkour
  • Animal best friend/sidekick
  • Witty comments while performing parkour
  • Rooftop hideout
  • Having an imprisoned friend
  • Being way less dark-skinned and way more Western-looking than everyone else
  • Rescuing a love interest from a creepy old man

She's All That Drinking Game

Take a drink every time...

  1. Someone says "Laney".
  2. ART! happens or is discussed (paintings, spoken word, everything Laney touches has paint on it, etc.)
  3. It's the 90s!!!*
  4. Did the people who wrote this movie even go to high school?**
  5. Freddie Prinze, Jr. thinks he's so cute.
Take a bonus drink every time you notice a new thing they did to Rachel Leigh Cook to try to make her look nerdy and/or unattractive.

Finish your drink for "Everybody has a big Jimmy."


*90s examples: Plaid, flip phones, Lil' Kim, Usher, tube tops, high cut bikinis, The Real World, huge socks, hackey sack, Sega, overalls, the Jeep Wrangler, Sixpence None the Richer, breakdancing, Road Rules, whiny 90s rock, whiny female singer-songwriters

**Examples of questions one might ask of the movie writers when questioning whether they attended high school, ever:

  • Why does the school have its own radio station and a student DJ who provides narration from everywhere at all times?
  • Why does everyone seem to be walking around during school hours without a destination or purpose of any kind?
  • How can so much happen without there appearing to be any kind of class taking place?
  • Why are so many students wearing high heels and dresses?
  • How is the common area so nice? How are there picnic benches?
  • Why would Laney wear an apron to school?
  • Seriously, is there class? They've been watching people breaking up by picnic benches for so long.
  • Could it be more obvious that those backpacks have nothing in them? (Answer: No, it could not.)
  • How is the art room so big? Why does the teacher have a turban and a feather?
  • Does anyone have homework?
  • They go to the beach on what the movie clearly indicates is the day after they come back from spring break. Is there...not school again?
  • Is that kid doing a puzzle? How does he have time to do a puzzle?
  • Do they know you can't make someone eat pubes just by being popular? Also, aren't they in a school cafeteria right now? How is no one in any position of authority preventing students from loudly eating or making others eat pubes?
  • How is there a photoshoot in the school hallway?
  • What's up with the coordinated dance at prom? That doesn't happen, you guys.
  • The announcements/DJ guy is the prom DJ? We know he's Usher, but come on.
  • The art teacher is faxing art schools on a Saturday?
  • Paul Walker is supposed to be a senior and a virgin?

Saturday, January 3, 2015

Ghost Rider Drinking Game

Take a drink every time...

  1. There are flames.*
  2. There is a flashback.
  3. There is an instance of bad guy/devil magic (including gratuitous murder).
  4. Nicholas Cage is so weird and/or creepy.
  5. Young Johnny (Matt Long) is so a model trying to act.
Take a bonus drink every time Eva Mendes provides a strong supporting actress role with her butt and/or boobs.

Finish your drink for the magic 8 ball...in her purse.


*There are flames on pretty much everything in this movie. Examples include but are not limited to: 
  • The Marvel logo
  • A devil face
  • A hand
  • The moon
  • A circus ring thing
  • A creepy devil face
  • Johnny's dad
  • The inside of someone's head
  • Motorcycle ramps
  • Trees
  • The street
  • Motorcycle tires
  • Cops...and their motorcycles
  • Boots
  • Laughing Nicholas Cage
  • Skull heads
  • Skull hands
  • Magical chain whips
  • Demon people
  • Any road Ghost Rider drives on
  • The air?
  • Eyeballs
  • Punks
  • Air tornados
  • The ground
  • Horses
  • Lizards

The Addams Family Drinking Game

Take a drink every time...

  1. There is a reference to death (verbal or written).
  2. A bad thing is good to the Addamses.
  3. A character tries to kill another character. (Or do they? No, seriously... Are they immortal? Do they not ever actually intend to kill each other? I don't freaking get it.)
  4. A parent corrects or gives orders to his/her child.
  5. Someone has random illogical powers, often with disturbing implications (e.g. unbelievable acrobatic skill, telekinesis used to flip calendar pages [...only?], holding people upside down by their throats, flipping people impossibly, hearing so well they know what a model train is doing in the next room, creating life...so there can be living people on a model train, making magic waltzing parties with instruments made of a cobra, magic books).
Take a bonus drink for ridiculous, over the top Mel Brooksian jokes or puns, especially when delivered by Anjelica Huston.

The Emperor's New Groove Drinking Game

Take a drink every time...

  1. Someone says "Kuzco".
  2. John Goodman (Pacha) is such a good guy it's unbelievable... no really, I don't believe it.
  3. Kronk fails.
  4. A physically impossible thing happens (size proportions included.) Take a second drink if it is impossible even by standards of animated movies.
  5. Yzma's triangular, lopsided boobs (yes, those triangles on her tummy) distract you.
Finish your drink for "Wrong LEVERRRR!"

Wicker Man Drinking Game

Take a drink every time...

  1. Anything bee-related is shown or mentioned (e.g. honey, hives, Nicholas Cage being killed by bees [Note: spoiler alert.]
  2. Someone says 'sister'.
  3. A woman who is old or pregnant appears*.
  4. There is a horror movie trope, but awful**.
  5. Nicholas Cage is the worst cop ever***.
Take a bonus drink every time the village is super suspicious.

Finish your drink for the collection of fetus jars...or, the jar fetuses? The fetus jar...collection? Finish your drink for all the feti.


*If you aren't drinking enough (we'll save you some time -- you aren't), take a drink every time the camera pans to a woman who is old or pregnant.

**Examples include (and cut us some slack, because we were really drunk for this movie) hang-up phone calls, someone dying in front of you, seeing visions of creepy children being creepily killed, wiggling mysterious bags with blood dripping from them...we guess, creepy innkeeper, the past coming back to haunt one, an elderly person warning the protagonist about the creepy place they're in, nightmares, creepy chanting, a mysterious barn...left open...mysteriously, eerie wind chime sounds, eerie whispering sounds, creepy old photographs, disturbed children's drawings, visions of dead bodies, cemeteries, coffins, creepy twins, masks, pigeons, fatal bee allergies, and falling through floors.

***Examples include:
  • Cursing in front of children
  • Ignoring search warrants and other procedural whatnots
  • Making idle threats
  • Yelling at children/people
  • Traumatizing the public
  • Ignoring dead bodies
  • Wearing really tight pants
  • Holding up pictures for no reason (sorry - we were really drunk for this one)
  • Elbow patches
  • Pretending to have jurisdiction
  • We wrote something that looks like 'face prelim'. If anyone can figure out what that might be, leave a comment and you win a prize! The prize is a dollar, and you can claim it by coming all the way to us and having us hand it to you. Leave a comment!